Saturday, October 20, 2007 @ 10:34 PM
breath of relieve....today, i talked to my mummy a little...i guess that's a good thing haha well i guess a step forward is better than standing still....so i guess me and my mum will get along well soon hahaha today my mum and dad suprise me by giving me a handphone...i totally didn't expect that hahaha i guess they just love me too much haha so perasan...well that's a way i know they love me hahaha anyways i'm glad that it's going to be an ancient story soon hehe my sister had just gone back to england today...well she came back from Canada few days ago..she be another hot pants and blouse..hahaha not only that i finally received her postcard...hahaha love it sis...haha ohh about the phone...it's a super cheap phone but i still like it hahaha i don't want it because a material might cause a chaos again...haha like the previous wan and the previous previous wan hehe :):) erm i'm like super bored now a days...so i started to cook and bake stuff practically everyday haha i made jelly, beef stew, sweet and sour fish, baked potato and vegetables, fruit puding and tommorow i'll be making brownies!!!! hahaha i made that in 3 days i think hehe...i hope my brownies turn out delicious as the rest turn out kind of good hahaha...i'm in charge of the christmas dinner presentations but due to unable to attend youth anymore...i asked joanna to help me out but i am still doing it just joanna will be the one telling uncle and stuff hahaha still cracking my head for ideas but i believe it will turn out great as God will guide us to give out best!! hahaha hopefully joanna and I will think of something incredible hahaha will see!!! haha it's getting late so i have to stop but still have to go and call joanna hahaha tmr post pictures...love ya!
inspires
Tuesday, October 16, 2007 @ 10:10 AM
total silence!!!
my mum and I haven't spoke a word to each other till now...its been 1 day few hours since we talked...sometimes how i wish i could just take back that day and solve everything...but there's no such thing as time machine so i just have to stick to the reality...i just want everything to be back to normal...it's so hard!!!when will this end??? ARGHHHH!!!!!! i'm really going mad...everything that had happened there must be a lesson from it...but i can't think of any!!!i took care of it so properly already...what else am i suppose to do!! i'm just really confuse...the longer i stay in this house...i'll soon turn into a crazy lady...well that might happen as i can't go anywhere...wells!!how i wish i could drink starbucks right now...or haggan dazz ice-cream!!! i still wish i'm going england now...at least i could get away from this...well it's better to get away than stuck here being a dumbass in the house and just being ignore all the time...watever!!! i guess now i have to eat maggi mee again...i thought i wanted to follow daddy and mummy they all to eat breakfast with shermaine but i guess they wouldn't come back and pick me up...so another of maggi mee!! that's how it is now!!! i guess i have to get use to it!!:):)
inspires
Monday, October 15, 2007 @ 2:30 PM
can't hold on any longer...
my eyes are totally swallon right now...didn't really sleep much well how can I?? my phone got stolen again!!!! that's not the only thing i'm piss about..the thing is is the second where my phone got stolen in a freaking youth gathering....sometimes i feel people telling others that they are christians and people expect christians to have the 10 comantments in their fingertips...but unfortunately not all has that...yesterday i went to the kids telematch youth party...and unfortunately my phone got stolen there when we were doing cleaning...before everything started i gave my camera and my phone to justin to care of it for me...and he did....he did a WONDERFUL job...but i took it back from him cause i thought he was going home or something and i put it in my bag...and started to clean the St Thomas hall...and the next minute i found out my phone got stolen...i just broke down at that spot...i couldn't breathe...it was so hard for me...i just fell right there...but everyone helped me...they hold me...guide me...comfort me...and i'm grateful for that....welll not everyone st least everyone that was there at that time...some had went home...obviously who steals something from other people and still stay at that place....it was hard before i got back on earth and realise this is just another satan's work....to destroy children of God...i may know that this is just a trap from the satan to go away from God...and phone is just a material so it wouldn't disrupt my spiritual faith....but.. but i had so many questions at that time welll i still am thinking about it...Why???Why is this happening to me??? Why twice???What is He trying to tell me???Why is it always me me me???only me??? Why???.....all the Whyssss just started popping out in my mind but no one can answer it only God...but now i have no idea how!!!
i realise after this incident that among my family i'm the worst...i'm the one that always cause the trouble...sometimes i just can't explain to anyone that it's not my fault....my mum was saying that she is so annoyed with me...she said even my sisters in UK call her if they want to go anywhere...and me?? i didn't call her when i went out last night...i told her i was going out...before i went out i told my dad...but i didn't call my mum cause she was visiting so i thought it's ok i told daddy so it's alright...but my mum got angry cause i didn't call her...i just don't understand...everytime if i go out i will tell my mum but my dad no...and my dad don't get angry...he just felt as long as my mum knows its fine...but why can't she knows that too???why???she felt it one time last nite how about my dad...he felt it most of the times...do u think is fair...well this morning wround 2 AM i even thought of running away...but i didn't...i thought of that because being here just hurts my mum more so why don't i just go...anyways is no use me being here...it's always my sisters (both) is the best....sometimes words from our own parents could just hurt us...and not only hurt us but even leave a scare in our heart...my dad and my mum always like my sisters more then me and my bro...we both know...we just kept quiet... both of us is always compared by them...we are always the useless one...well at least they ever said that to me...so i rememeber...being alone at home now....is so scary...i can't communicate to anyone...i can't even talk to my mom or dad...i'm the only child left now...all of this things...i know it doesn't mean my mum doesn't love me...i know she does...but sometimes what she say really hurt me a lot it's just she doesn't know...right now...i just want to burst out and shout super loud...but sadly i can't do that...my mum asked me to help her with the ipod...restore it and all...she don't get it...i restore it and all things will be gone...yea u sync it but all the songs that will go in the ipod will be the one from my com not the previous one....i've been trying to tell her...but she insisted it wouldn't and just now i went to their room to help my dad...she started scolding me saying i don't help her in anything...and insisted bout the ipod...i csn't explain to her...sometimes i really hav to agree with my dad that she is so stubborn...she always thinks she's right...fine!! sometimes she is...but sometimes she's not...she has to hear other opinions too....as me being the not smart unlike my sisters...obviously is hard...and now i just finish my pmr and if i don't get it...what else will they say...i thought i could prove to them that i can do it!!!...so we'll see!!!now...tears just can't stop flowing from my eyes...how i wish i could be in the beach right now....i miss me smiling...how i wish i could smile and laugh now...but even if i do smile now it's not cause i'm happy it will be totally just a fake smile..sigh...my eldest sis is coming back soon...well for 5 days...so i have to smile again...i can't talk to them about this because it's just so hard...because none of them understands...wells...i have no idea how to fix the router...
P.S i'm offically band to go to youth starting from now!!:( well practically all the youth activities...i only can go for the church service...only that!!!( i have no comment on that)---most of teh things i love to do i can't even do anymore...(lyk playing with the kids...spreading the word of God to them...study group-learning more- all i can't do anymore...fine learning more i can do it still...)WATEVER!!!
inspires
Sunday, October 07, 2007 @ 1:17 AM
freedom
i've finally finished my exams...yes!!!! my pmr is over...haha the papers was quite okay i guess it was moderate....welll i've tried my best so now is just up to God...i just surrender everything to Him...i was really glad that it is finally over on friday but i was kind of upset too due to the sejarah results...well the teachers collecting our papers cause she wanted to mark...so i was kind of relluctant to know cause i din want her to mark....when i got it back i totally couldn't breath i couldn't think...it's so hard to see me not getting an A for sejarah....i tried my best and that's all i got...i got B and when i saw i just wanted to shout out loud....unfortunately i can't do that in school eventhough i kind of did but it's not loud haha...but everyone told me soesn't mean i'll get B cause they might lower the standard so i might still get an A well it's up to God's hands...only Him can do miracles...He can do the immpossible things possible...only HIm!!! so i'll what happens when it's released!!!:) today i had a mother and daughter date hahaha after sending my dad off, me and my mum went to shop...hahaha...man i not only get to drink starbucks...FINALLY!!! i get to buy most of the stuff that i wanted hehe...i saw this braceletwell it's a charm bracelet... oh i love it...it's so nice...it's pure white gold i think...not sure...and it's RM1000++ ...wow!!! well so i had to think about it first haha...but i love it hehe...i bought my running shoes haha for jogging heheit's nike...i'll update the photos after i get back my camera....i forgot to say...i finally got back my camera after 3 months...wow!! that's long hahaha but at least i got it back haha i'm happy hehe eventhough it's not fix and my mum had to fix it for me hahaha or buy a new one...well we'll see...but i think fix loo...hehe i'll see what happens next week...haha...anyways i bought this blouse or can also use as dress in MNG today...wow it's so so nice haha....and also a vincci shoe...really nice too hehehe...everything that i bought i love it hahaha...then me and my mum ta pau Tom's home...hahaha wa!! so delicious hahaha...hahaha oh i forgot to use my phone to take the pictures...oh wells hehe:) wow it's so late!!! tommorow i still have church at 0900...hahaha...so i better go now...i'll update again tommorow!!!
till then love you!!!
inspires
Saturday, October 06, 2007 @ 12:41 PM
confusion
being alone is the hardest thing in life! well that was what i thought...but now i think looking for friends is the hardest thing !!! you don't know when they are real or they are fake!! that's the question that always been in my mind...this year i've experience a lot of things...i see people sad and i go cheer them up but after that what do i get...not asking for reward but when i need them where are they...this year i realise friends VS family....family totally wins...family we're all there for each other...no matter what...friends are tooo, i believe that they will be by our side... as they say they will but will they act on their words or just talk...not all friends are like that....only some:)you know it's so hard to trust in someone and the person just let you down and not only that but hurt you....it takes hope and faith and trust to ment the parts the has been broken into pieces... and when it's done there's a smile on your face but one day it will be broken again by the same people...they just don't get it and they don't learn from what they did....what do you call them???they are definitely here when they need you but are they here when they are having fun???what are they?? friends or users or what??? but i must say friends are great... like everyone says everyone needs a friend or friends....family, we may get hurt time to time...but they never hurt you again after they hurt you cause they learnt their mistakes... we can trust them too...GOd gave us this challenge because he wanted us to learn something from it....He give us a hard time in choosing friends because he wanted us to grow in trust in everyone before we find them...and to realise how important families are...well at least to me haha...
inspires